Question: When I am with a woman, I come too quickly. I feel embarrassed and it is affecting my sex life and relationships. Is there a way to control this? Is there a way to stop premature ejaculation?
Quick answer: How to stop premature (early) ejaculation
Many men sometimes 'come' too quickly, meaning, they ejaculate or ‘release’ semen sooner than they or their partner would like during sex, e.g., before or soon after starting to have sex. If this happens only sometimes, there is probably no need to worry, but if this happens often, a man may have a problem called premature ejaculation. It is a distressing situation that many men who suffer from it feel shy discussing it with a health care provider, but it is actually a very common problem affecting many men. However, by trying out certain healthy sexual practices one is able to learn ways how they can delay 'coming' and stop premature ejaculation.
Types of premature ejaculation
- Primary premature ejaculation – When you have always had it
- Secondary premature ejaculation – Where you recently developed the problem
What causes premature ejaculation?
The exact cause is not known. However, certain sexual experiences are thought to contribute to premature ejaculation. They include:
- A traumatic sexual experience is life can psychologically affect a male leading to primary premature ejaculation.
- When young adults have sex they often do it quickly to avoid being caught and this may create a pattern of early ejaculation for the rest of a man’s life.
- A man may also create a pattern of early ejaculation by regularly worrying about
- Being able to have or keep an erection
- Being able to sexually satisfy his partner
- Something not related to sex at all
- Becoming too excited can also cause early ejaculation. Younger men may experience this the first few times they have sex – they initially may not be able to control their sexual response to a woman. With experience, however, they learn to control themselves and avoid ejaculating early.
- Physical causes may include a very sensitive penis and injury or problems with nerves.
- Some drugs such as alcohol and medical conditions such as diseases of the prostate gland (notably, prostatitis) may cause premature ejaculation.
- Some men say they are able to maintain an erection for longer after being circumcised.
How will I know if I suffer from premature ejaculation?
There is no standard for how long it should take a man to ejaculate. The main sign of premature ejaculation is that ejaculation occurs before both partners would like it to most of the times they have sex.
How do I prevent or treat premature ejaculation?
If you are not satisfied with your sexual relationship, talk with your partner about this. Discuss the problem lovingly and do not blame your partner or yourself for the problem.
Premature ejaculation can be treated by sexual therapy (learning ways to delay ejaculation), counselling and medicine.
Some ways to delay ejaculation and stop premature ejaculaton
- Try to become more aware of your body and how you respond during sex. This comes with experience and maybe easier to achieve in a stable long term relationship.
- Avoid alcohol and other drugs. Although these can slow your sexual responses, they also keep you from developing the body awareness that will help you to solve this problem.
- Take deep breaths during sex to relax.
- Use the whole body during sex – ask your partner to touch and stroke other parts of your body besides your penis.
- Avoid sex for a while and try other pleasurable things such as kissing, cuddling and oral sex in order to remove the pressure of “performing”.
- “Stop-and-start” method: While experimenting alone or having sex with a partner, you can take a little break just as you are about to climax or ejaculate. You can try to relax for about 20 or 30 seconds and then start again.
- “Squeeze” method: This is like the stop-and-start method, but when you take a break, squeeze the tip or middle of your penis with your thumb and index finger for several seconds. Stop squeezing, wait about 30 seconds, then continue having sex as before.
- Try having sex with your partner on top.
- Use a condom to reduce sensitivity.
- Place a cock ring at the base of your erect penis to maintain the erection and delay ejaculation.
- Masturbate an hour or two before sex with your partner. This is possibly a last resort as it may not always be practical to do so. It also maybe a quick fix to possibly a long-term problem – a band aid to a deep cut so to say; further masturbation in itself may become a mental health disorder known as masturbation’s addiction or compulsive masturbation disorder which not only harms the person, but their relationships.
Practicing one or more of the above methods for several weeks may solve your problem with premature ejaculation.
Remember: There are other ways to please your partner sexually. Try using your fingers, tongue or sexual toys to help your partner have an orgasm.
When to seek medical help
Communication between partners about sex is important. Besides, both partners must be willing and comfortable to try different things. If, as a couple, you are having trouble dealing with this problem, counselling or talking with a health care provider can also help.
If none of the above methods work, see a health care provider about possible medicines to treat the problem.
This information on Men’s Health was sourced, then aggregated and edited by our team of health professionals. The key sources are:
Ministry of Health – Republic Of Zambia. (2009). Men’s Health Kit – A Reference Manual (1st ed.). The Health Communication Partnership Zambia.
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